aire viciado de vacío

where should I go? I can´t go anywhere. I can´t scape. I´m aware that this time I feel like the desert at night. Like a cave, like a crypt. It´s springtime, but I don´t feel as amused as I felt two weeks ago. When I did the lunar revolution for this month ahead I could understand in between lines that it was going to be a lonely time, to get inside and solve the riddle. The truth is that patience is short, and anxiety is tall. The truth is that now I have plenty of time to worry, and that I need to fight over that tendency. It´s easy for me to get depressed and frustrated. When I read what I have written before, and If I didn´t know it was me, and that a little of selfesteem one has for itself to keep on living, I would say terrible things to destroy myself. Now my instigator, my worse enemy, my castigator, is preparing the knife to cut off the little of strength that remains. I´m tired of beeing who I am. I wish I was a different person. I always felt that way. That is an example of carrying the venom inside. I have to find some medicine to fight it back. And I´m working on that formula.
Some time ago, I discovered different voices that spoke for me. Some of them where protective. Others were destructive. When I start feeling weak again is because those destructive voices take most of the conversation. I can´t give up now. I have done a lot, and I must hold on and trust that. Keep faith as I sayed many times. First of all, those tánatos voices nurture on failures. If I give them reasons, they will win. And they have won many times before. This is also because I have to use that energy to study and I know that when I study my thoughts become production, not destruction.
I know perfectly well what I should do. Move. Don´t listen to the dark forces. They have been created for distraction. They grow in fear. And fear is now the veil for acidia, not industria.