me me tos

-I´ve been thinking lately... as usual. Been recycling thoughts and arrived at a new conclusion: I can´t stand myself. I don´t want to live with me anymore. How can I divorce from myself ?
-Impossible game you came to play. So make peace, not pieces of you.
-I´ve been wondering about the whole situation, and found out I hate being me. Always find others more amusing than I am. Not only amusing, but independent, creative, easygoing, clear and neat.
-Girl, you always your worst enemy.
-Yes. True. It´s like I have all this gags and ticks that I´m tired to carry. That´s why I need some way of expression and transformation in the practice of improvisation. I know where I want to go. What I should do. But I can´t wait for me. I´m in a hurry.
-You will try to scape from yourself, you always do that. That´s when you feel as empty as a dry winter lake.
-Yes. I try to forget about me through the interaction with others, like a love parasite. Wishing others will complete me. But the truth is that I know they don´t, they won´t, they will never, because in the deep thought I know there is no citric love, no middle oranges. Just different fruits in combination, producing different vitamins for the soul.
-Ok, little girl. We got that. It´s a lot of exposition from your side, and be careful. You don´t want to make a fool of yourself, do you?
-Showing privacity in order to be judged, to caught your attention somewhere nearby. Obsenity. yes. Insanity. could be. a lack of...shinny happy people.
-Yes. You know better thant that. I told you first this key: peace meaning making peace within.
-So I need to tolerate myself. To understand the whole picture. Find a way of loving me, pray for a connection to the heart of things.
-That´s a possible way. You said something absolutely true: loving you. And don´t play victims role, please. Self pitty is the worse lie you can tell to yourself to keep on the same place than yesterday. That way you will never change, or at least have a try for something different.
-I got it. The emptyness I describe comes from previous lazyness. The emptyness is the reflection of the time you don´t pay for yourself. Emptyness makes you feel as tiny as a green bean. That´s when hate comes to the picture.
-Yes. Could use the metaphore. Emptyness is when you scape from yourself, because some reason you know better than I. The logic is this: evasión impositiva, deudas pendientes. Then the hate you feel for yourself is because some character of you feels restrained, abandoned, left apart, and when you come face to face to that duty, you pay for what you have been scaping.
No es el otro quien te ha abandonado, quitado el cariño, el respeto y el cuidado. Sos vos misma la que se está haciendo daño.
I just have to let it go.