brain washed

who knows where the time goes?
who knows where the time grows?

There is something I remember, but not the image, just the feeling of it. A feeling dyed in night black. A blank in my memory picture.

Why I have to feel guilty about it? It´s that I don´t deserve happiness for once in my life time? why I have to feel guilty of saying no, when is no? why is that I always have to stay true to everyone but myself? Sometimes in life, you have to play the bad role, if that means to do something is not the other´s desire, but yours. The good role would be to satisfy others needs? For my defense I alegate that limits are absolutely necessary. The confusion or lack of limits result in anguish. A clean and clear response allows freedom of choice. I know they would not understand it now. They would understand it later, when I´m gone. Now they are just angry because they didn´t get what they want it. But the used to get everything they want it, and that was my responsability. And besides that, when I was there for them, they were not there for me. Until I realised I didn´t want that anymore. So I made my move. I became aware of my needs. I became a grown up adult, I wasn´t anymore an abandoned child. Or better, I had to take care of that childish piece of my heart and build a safer place to protect it.
A child learns to say no someday. A child learns to refuse to other needs when it becomes aware of it´s own needs and of the possibility of a binary combination, an option, an alternative. When a child is confused it´s because the adult is confusing.
My body and my age are not childlike, although a part of me stills a child. This is great for somethings and fatal for other things. As an adult I need to learn when is when. And intuition never fails, so give yourself credit for that, please!

INTUITION - Feist
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9y9oQR_OOM&feature=related

What gives, what helps
The Intuition
I'll know, I'll know
(Oh) I won't have to be shown
The way home
And it's not about a boy
Although, although

They can lead you
Hide or reveal (defeat) too

A destination known
Only by the one
Whose fate is overgrown
Piecemeal could break your home
And have
A love is not complete
With only heat

They can tease you
Break or complete you

And in came a heatwave
A merciful save
You choose, you chose
Poetry over prose

A map is more unreal
(Oh) Than where you've been
Or how you feel
And it's impossible to tell
How important something was
And what you might have missed out on
And how it might have changed it all

Did I, did I
Did I, did I
Did I, did I