may the force be with you

and may your best wishes come true...

no recuerdo que pedí esa noche en las velas, pero recuerdo que las velas ardieron como ardieron los papelitos al día siguiente en el jardín interno. mis deseos no eran los únicos ardiendo, estaban los de la comunidad de mi cumpleaños. ardieron y se transformaron en cenizas para luego ir a parar una parte al aire y otra parte a la bolsa de la basura que viaja en el camino del camión de Ïntegra del camino del buen aire.



aire
arde el aire
como el fuego.
y en su cripta,
las cenizas descansan
de amar.

I know there is a reason for everything. I´m like the paranoid android that tries to find a reason for everything because illusion is what keeps people going, keeps people living life. Life is so absurd sometimes. Sometimes people is so absurd. People hide in a machine that`s called defense. And what I realised is that I`m so scared all the time, so tense and nervous and that makes my life complicated with no reason. I`m afraid of freedom. I`m afraid of myself, I`m afraid of my thoughts and my mind and emotions. I`m afraid of my body. I`m afraid of my desires.
I figure that one day I caught a fear. And that fear took my soul and my body. That fear is always present in the manifestation of the self. And although I tried everything to make it go away it`s like a karmaleón that hides when I can not catch it to squizz it and throw it away from me, far away when I can not see it or find it to be at me again. It`s a fear that I can`t manage to get out of me. Sometimes is placed at the bottom of the earth of my body, burried deeply. Sometimes is so high that it`s impossible to grab it from the wings. Today I noticed it again. And my crying was so absurd that I didn`t understand what was going on. I burst into tears because words were shoot quite accurately. Before I had the time to fake a normal self of what I thought they expected from me, the infamous mascara or persona. The were truthful but careless. And my child began to cry. And that`s when I figured that I wasn`t ready to be free. That`s when I figured that I have a lot of work to do, a lot of walk to walk, a lot of pictures of life to see. That`s why I´m still a child in my heart. That`s why my childhood was stolen, when I caught that fire of fear that burned my confidence out. So when I talk about freedom I know I don`t know how to be free, because I don`t seem to belong to myself. That what submision is about, that it`s not service vocation, that`s masoquism that hides a great deal of anger towards myself. And my child began to cry...